Just Like Old Times
by TheFabDonna
Summary: Quinn knew her, possibly better than anyone. Santana/Quinn friendship during "Sexy". Mentions of Brittany/Santana. Warning for: mentions of sexual abuse, alcholism and homophobia.


"Hey, Santana, wait up!"

Santana turned around, rather surprised when she realized that it was Quinn who was talking to her. Sure, she and Quinn were still friends, or at least on the surface, but they hadn't talked outside of Cheerios or Glee since baby-gate.

"What do you want, Q?" She asked with her usual snark.

"Just want to talk" Quinn said, and smiled at her. Like genuinely smiled.

"Glee Club.." she started, before hesitantly adding, "you and Brittany at Glee Club."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay Q?" Santana brushed her off.

It had been hard trying to convey what she felt to Brittany to then have Berry all up in her business. It wasn't Berry's business, it wasn't Quinn's business. It was all about her and B. Like always.

"You shouldn't care about what Rachel says, San." Quinn said.

"What makes you think I care about what _Berry _thinks? I don't even like her." Which was the truth, Santana couldn't stand the loud, annoying midget. She only put up with her because the girl had an amazing voice.

"I know you, San. I've known you since you were 5. What she said after your song got to you. I could tell. You think you are all stone faced and cold, San. But you are not. Not when it comes to her."

Santana knew that the _her_, Quinn was referring to wasn't Berry. It was Brittany. Quinn did know her. Possibly better than anyone, maybe even better than Brittany. Because Brittany had to ask if Santana loved her. Santana knew for a fact that Quinn realized that Santana was in love with Brittany in 8th grade.

"Fine!" Santana said, and dragged Quinn into the closest empty classroom. "Talk."

Quinn looked at her, long, with understanding eyes and that little touch of angel that Santana hadn't seen in a very long time. That little touch of who Quinn used to be, back in elementary school.

She looked the same way she did the first time she told, not asked, told Santana that she was in love with Brittany. That Santana was, not Quinn, of course. Santana still don't know how Quinn found out, but all she had done was nod and then they had gone back to throwing mud balls at Rachel.

"So, if you don't care about what Berry says, why did you run and hide?" Quinn asked, with her angel eyes and her angel smile. And Santana talked, as always.

"I didn't run! I sat down on the stool and listened to Shue try to explain why Journey might be our best shot at Sectional.._again."_

"San, he wasn't talked about Journey. He was talking about THE journey. Of Glee Club. Like we did last year when we thought it was over. He thought that maybe it would be a good idea to find something that would convey that to the judges, and Rachel wanted to plug her original song idea _again_"

"Oh.."

Santana had to admit, she hasn't paid much attention to what Mr. Shuester was saying. She had only caught the words, Journey, Sectionals and Rachel. She was too busy thinking about Brittany. Her and Brittany; Her and Sam. Brittany and Artie. Her and Brittany. Brittany's warm lips on hers. How Brittany was everything.

"You love her right? Like the ball over the fence kind of thing?"

Santana knew that Quinn tried to remember the reference, but didn't quite get it but she got the picture. That real kind. The one that just know is right.

"Maybe." Santana said, paused, "Yes."

That whole song had been about making Brittany understand that she loved her. Wanted her. That her life was about Brittany. Always had been about Brittany. Every important decision she had ever made had been about Brittany.

"I am not going to let you go with it this time, San. You can't go back to throwing mud balls at Rachel this time. It's destroying you, San. You might not see it, but I do. I know that this bitch is not you. It you, hiding. Hiding from her."

"So, what? What am I supposed to do about it? I can't change ANYTHING. It's always there, Q. Always."

Santana damned the tear she knew was falling quietly down her check. She damned Quinn Fabray for getting to her. She damned the day that she laid her eyes on that beautiful blond with the blue eyes that would change her life forever. She damned Lima for being such a conservative town. And she hated herself for hiding.

"You are supposed to tell her, San. Take a risk. Jump with her both feet first and hope that you'll land safely on the other side."

Quinn smiled, and wiped away a tear. Just like she'd done that time in 5th grade when Puck had shoved her of the swings and she had hit a rock, and it had hurt like hell. Just like the time Thomas Hendrickson had called her a slut, sending Santana crying into the bathroom in 7th grade. Like the time her father left, and Santana cried for a week before Quinn came by.

"What if I can't, Q? I am not brave enough. I am scared."

There it was the actual truth. She was scared to death. Not of Brittany, not even of her feelings. She was afraid of rejection, of the talks. She was afraid of change.

"You're everything in this school, Santana. What are you afraid of?" Quinn asked, sincerely. Santana did have the entire school at her feet, even the jocks were afraid of her.

"How fast I can lose that. Quinn, you know better than anyone that the queen status can be gone as quick as it comes. And what will I have then?"

Quinn looked at her, with familiarity in her eyes. With the same pain as she'd seen a thousand times before, like the first time Derek cheated on her in 8th grade, like the first time she'd found her mother passed out drunk on the couch, and called Santana for help because Quinn was sure she was dead in 5th grade.

The pain that sometime, not that long ago, Santana suddenly hadn't been there to remove. Quinn was right, she had changed. She'd changed the day that Brittany told her that she thought that Mike was cute. The day Brittany told her that she had lost her virginity to Tim behind the bleachers. She'd changed the day she realized that she loved Brittany in a way that would change everything.

"You'll have her, Santana. And if we are going to be completely honest, isn't that really what you always wanted? Does the rest of it even mean anything to you?"

"What if she doesn't want me? What if she walks away? What if she doesn't love me?"

Santana was fragile. Not many people knew that. Actually only two people knew that, Brittany and Quinn. Her father leaving had left her with scars deeper than even she understood most of the time. That underlying feeling that no one would ever love her, so why should she take the chance.

She used guys for that exact reason. She didn't want to fall in love. She didn't want to take the chance of being left alone again. That's why she left them. But Brittany… she was different. Santana couldn't leave her. She'd tried, oh, how she had tried, when she first realized that what she felt for the girl went deeper than friendship, even deeper than love. It was deeper than everything she'd ever felt. So she'd fled. Told Brit they couldn't be friends anymore and left.

It had taken her exactly 3 hours, 34 minutes and 17 seconds before she was outside Brittany's door telling Brittany that she didn't mean it and that they would be best friends forever. Brittany had hugged her, and Santana had kissed her for the first time. She'd been completely gone ever since.

"I can't lose her Quinn. I'd rather have her a little bit, then losing her all together. What if we can't endure it? What if the bullying gets to bad? What if we break? What if I break? I need her."

Santana knew it wasn't fair. Not to herself, and especially not to Brittany. She kept leading her on. Telling her that she wasn't cheating on her boyfriend because the plumbing was different which made no sense. But she needed Brittany, she needed to hold her, she needed to hear Brittany laugh. Brittany was what made her whole. So if she was selfish, and cowardice by not telling her. By not telling anyone that it was Brittany she wanted. No one else. It's never been anybody else.

"She won't go anywhere, San. She is your best friend. "

Quinn took her hand, just like she had done that time she'd found Santana crying behind the tool shed after her mom had caught her and Brittany making out and told her that it was wrong and thrown Brittany out.

"Look at me." Quinn lifted Santana's face and looked right into her eyes, "everyone says its better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. Honestly, I think that's a bunch of bullshit because it hurts a whole lot more to lose something you loved. But sometimes, just sometimes that's a risk you have to take."

The touch of Quinn's hand on her face startled her. Quinn hadn't touched her face since the night Santana had showed up crying on her doorstep because Dave had attacked her behind the bleachers and she'd only gotten away because Sue had heard something.

"Santana. One day it's going to be too late. One day, Brittany might be gone for good. If you never tell her, San, you will lose her. Maybe she'll always be your best friend, but can you live with that? Can you live the rest of your life being _just _Brittany's best friend when you've always wanted her to be your everything?"

Quinn knew her. Quinn had always known her. Since the day they were five, and Puck had pulled her ponytail and called it stupid, and Quinn had stood up and told Puck he was an idiot. She'd been her best friend since she shared her lunch with Santana in 2nd grade when her parents had been too busy arguing to make her lunch.

Santana knew she could trust her ever since she cried in her arms about how her sister killed her abusive boyfriend and never told anyone. Quinn had always been there when something was wrong. They'd picked up each other's pieces and glued them back together.

"No, I can't."

Santana hugged her, like she had done the first time Quinn had showed her the right path when she was lost. She hugged her like she had done before. She whispered "thank you" before leaving. Hoping that maybe someday, they could go back to before again.


End file.
